Inertia
by Cookie. Monster 67
Summary: Ever since he set his sights on her face, Po knew that one day, he would make Tigress his. Ever since he broke through the icy wall she worked so hard to build, Tigress was certain she was irrevocably in love with the panda. When fate sets something into motion, eventually the stars will align and love will find a way to make itself known...whatever the heck that means. PARODY!


**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, settings, etc. They are all property of the creator (as in, NOT ME).**

**A/N: Po and Tigress' stereotypical cave in story…with a twist. Not at all what it seems. :3 See you at the bottom.**

**I really should've been studying for Midterms...oh well. **

**Enjoy!**

_Newton's Law of Inertia_

_An object at rest stays at rest and an object at motion stays with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted on by an unbalanced force._

*Cool page break*

It was a beautiful day in the Valley of Peace, something the masters of the Jade Palace had not been given the opportunity to experience in what seemed to be forever. At exactly 6 in the morning, Zheng, the palace goose, along with two pigs servants, made their way to the large courtyard to sound the gong which would mark the beginning of the day for Po, the Furious Five and their master, Shifu. Already the village below was a flurry of activity, vendors preparing goods for sale later in the day, children being roused from bed by impatient parents and neighbors making polite conversation in the few moments of peace they had. Just as the sound of the gong echoed through the Valley, the Five emerged from their bedrooms and bowed to Master Shifu with the perfunctory "Good morning, master," towards the red panda. They were all light sleepers, their bodies and minds atuned to the rigorous schedule of life as a kung fu master. However, for the Dragon Warrior, this was not yet the case. Several minutes after the others, he stumbled into the narrow hallway and greeted Shifu like the rest had, only he looked as if he wanted nothing more than to return to bed . The elderly master smiled dryly at his students while keeping one narrowed eye focused on Po as if to show his discontent with his behavior.

"Thank you, students. Because today is Sunday, we will train until two o'clock and break for the rest of the day."

Murmurs spread amongst the small crowd assembled around him, for though he had stated the instructions as simply as he would have stated the time of day, never had their notoriously uptight master given such freedom. Po chattered excitedly about his plans to visit his father, today, he was going to make him reveal his secret dumpling recipe. Monkey and Crane made plans to visit the troupe of traveling actors that were touring the Valley. Upon hearing their eager discussion, Shifu smirked quietly to himself, Po and the Five's excitement had come way too soon. While he was pleased to see his students so happy, it would also bring him great enjoyment to see how they reacted when they were finally finished with training, the mixture of relief and exhaustion visible on their faces.

Several grueling hours of practice later, Shifu dismissed the grateful masters, who immediately rushed out of the training hall and down the Thousand Steps, into the barracks or the kitchen. Six sweat-covered figures thanked their master, all the while tending to their sore muscles and fatigued minds.

The Dragon Warrior stayed in the training hall, waiting for his friends to leave while promising to meet them later. Although they were concerned due to the absence of his normally extroverted tendencies, the Furious Five left to enjoy their afternoon off.

Having gone without a single bite since breakfast, Po sat at the small table devouring a pile of his leftover bean buns from the night before and a jarful of Monkey's precious almond cookies. Tigress stood behind the doorway and stared at her friend – or more than friend as she would have liked to refer to him as, gorging himself. Having no place to go now that she had no training to occupy her time, she hoped that Po would allow her to join him in town. Even for someone as seemingly emotionless as the fierce Master Tigress, it was a daunting idea to have to stay alone on a day as perfect as this. She approached the unsuspecting panda as he began to lick off the last bits of food from his teeth, a habit she found repulsive. Even so, she could not help but find his childlike naiveté endearing.

Just as she was about to make her proposal, she noticed him plundering the cupboards for more snacks. Lately, they had had to go into the village for groceries twice a week because of Po's unusually large amount of eating and it just so happened that Viper had gone the day before. Tigress knew that Po used eating as a way of relieving stress, and whatever was causing this amount of eating must have really been worrying him. Not wanting to confront him while he had his mouth stuffed with rice cakes, the tiger decided to wait until her friend was finished with his food. As much as she wanted to deny it, watching him eat was rather entertaining, in fact, watching him do even mundane everyday tasks was kind of fun.

Once Po put his used dish on top of a stack of others, she walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. The way he turned around in shock was adorable, and Tigress fought to suppress a giggle.

"Oh, uh, hey, Tigress. Yeah, nothing's wrong. I was just going to visit my dad, but I wanted to have a little snack first," the panda tried to hide his obvious distress, much to his friend's amusement.

"Nothing's wrong? Then why were you in here for half an hour eating everything you could lay your hands on?"

"I was just hungry, a guy's got to eat after all!"

"This is definitely not a 'little' snack. Tell me the truth."

"Yeah … about that. Can we please go somewhere quiet?"

Without waiting for her response, he ran past her and out the door as fast as his short legs could carry him. Fortunately, the tiger knew he wouldn't get far before he would fall down, his chest heaving, all she had to do was wait. She made her way to the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom once she ceased to hear the urgent pattering of footsteps. Po always sought comfort in the tree's presence whenever he needed it, Tigress supposed it was because it was where he met Oogway on his first night at the Jade Palace, the wise tortoise would have known how to console him. Though she could never match him in wisdom and sheer years, Master Tigress could at least provide some help to her friend.

Sitting next to the tree, Po was hunched over rolling a peach in his hands. As he sensed someone behind him, his lips formed words, but none were heard by the tiger whose hand lay about to touch him on the shoulder. Finally, he mustered the courage to tell her what had burdened him for so long.

"Ah-okay, okay, I love you, Tigress! More than life itself!"

"That was all? I'm flattered, but…"the stunned master struggled to find the proper words, her usually calm demeanor gone.

"I knew it! How can anybody love a fat...stupid...panda? Please just don't kill me!"Po lay his head at her feet, moaning so loudly she thought he would send the whole Valley fleeing. .

For the second time that day, Tigress stifled a laugh at the panda's silly behavior.

"Now that you have said it...I have a confession to make. I...love you, too. It began about two months before we left for Gongmen city. At first I thought it was an a mere infatuation, but I realized it was so much more. Ever since you came, you've made my life so much better...in so many ways."

"Ooh. Never expected to hear you say that. What ways?"

"I don't...know. All I know is that you have. In ways I can't possibly comprehend."

"'Kay that's all good. Wanna go down to my dad's? I bet he could use some help down at the noodle shop!" Po grinned hopefully, not wanting to spoil the moment, wanting to keep the momentum going.

Rather than be offended by vastly unexpected response, Tigress returned his smile, "Of course, that was why I came to speak to you in the first place. I wanted your company."

"Well what are we waiting for?"

The panda and the tiger bounded down the hill and skipped over the Thousand Steps with happiness etched on their faces, for Tigress, the hardcore warrior unrecognizable. At Mr. Ping's, the couple arrived during the lull between lunch hours and the 5 o'clock dinner rush. The goose was, as usual, delighted to see his son visit, but was faced with quite a surprise at the fact that the Dragon Warrior and Master Tigress were holding hands and staring into each other's eyes with an undeniable attraction like only ever saw from the couples who came to his restaurant. For him, romance was a foreign concept, a life of noodlemaking left no time for romantic entanglements.

He, along with the few customers who were finishing their meals, stared in shock while two bunny girls giggled, whispering something about the two having babies. Mr. Ping dropped his ladle and his beak parted slightly. It was so quiet in the small shop that the clattering of wood on the stone floor was heard by all the customers, who laughed at the goose as if on cue.

"Well, heh heh, now that that's over with...why don't we welcome our two masters with a special buy two bowls of Secret Ingredient noodle soup get one free offer? Hmm?"

If for no reason other than to ease the tension, the already full crowd assembled around the counter to take advantage of Mr. Ping's offer. Tigress had to admire the way Po and his father began to make the noodles, boil the soup and take orders from their customers. 'Well' she thought, 'he certainly is a warrior in more ways than one. Always prepared, unfazed by even the most difficult tasks, I have a hard time believing I never realized this before.' Once the line had slowed down to a manageable trickle, the father and son came out of the kitchen, having remembered the business at hand.

"Po, my son! Now, I understand that young love may be exciting and fun, but you have to take things slowly … Well? When can I expect to see some grandchildren? Oh please don't make an old man like me wait!"

"You see dad, we kinda just realized we both had a thing going for each other, and uh…"

"Give her a kiss!"

"Might as well give your old man an heir now! It all starts with a kiss!"

Cheers from the customers interrupted Po's feeble protests as a surge of villagers crammed into every corner of Mr. Ping's noodle shop joining in the chorus that was urging the newfound couple to kiss. Turning to his new lover, the Dragon Warrior grimaced in a silent call for help, while to his shock; she cupped both his cheeks in her paws and brought her lips to his. He felt her sandpaper tongue inching past his teeth and he awkwardly countered it with his own.

Meanwhile, the villagers congratulated the two with thumps on the back and they gradually came to the realization that they had no idea what to do after the kiss had ended. What exactly did lovers do when they weren't kissing or confessing their love was a question neither knew the answer to. Finally, Mr. Ping spared the masters from utter humiliation by ordering the customers back to their tables and driving everyone who wasn't eating at the noodle shop out. Po took the opportunity to disengage his lips, running behind the shop where he knew his father had a small water pump he could use to relieve himself of the exchange's unpleasant aftereffects.

Tigress encountered the panda as he was rinsing out his mouth, making gagging noises as he spit all over the ground. Following his example, she eagerly cleansed the taste of old food and unbrushed teeth from her memory, though it didn't help that his saliva had also made its way into the works. They were soon joined by a concerned goose who stood impatiently by the pump while his son and his new companion were in their compromised state. Once they were finished with their task, Mr. Ping cleared his throat and spoke.

"Well. That was fun, but don't you want to help me at the noodle shop? We have lots of hungry mouths to feed today! After your little stint today, there are more customers than ever!"

"Sorry, dad. We've got, uh, more important matters to attend to."

"But son-"

"Bye dad! See you later!"

The tiger and the panda ran through the village streets, leaving a confused goose in their wake. Completely oblivious to everything around them except one another, the couple skipped, laughing and holding hands, into roadside stands much to the ire of their owners. Once they reached the river that ran along the village outskirts, they jumped in, then realized that because it was only April, the water was freezing. Despite this, the power of love kept them warm as the masters huddled more out of necessity than affection. The villagers looked on, rather than questioning the sanity of their two protectors, they all applauded and many of the couples in the crowd began to kiss.

Meanwhile, Tigress had some questions for the panda next to her. "Why didn't we just stay at your Mr. Ping's? After all, he needed our help."

"Oh my tiger lilly, love is spontaneous, just as the wild animals cannot be contained by cages alone, my love for you is boundless."

"Since when did you call me tiger lilly and have you been going through Viper's romance scrolls again?"

"I...thought it would be romantic, you know, romance scrolls...romance? And uh, yeah, that's where I got the river idea from...even though it's kinda where all the villagers dump their sewage."

"What?"

"Come on, fun while it lasted."

"No need to apologize my sweet dumpling, now let us kiss and be one. The fact that you only brush your teeth once a month only makes the task all the more scintillating."

By now, the villagers had returned to their business, vendors were rearranging their damaged goods. There was only so much romance they could handle in one day especially in a valley that was unused to any breaks from routine besides the occasional bandit raids. After sharing another passionate liplock, this time for a full hour and a half, Master Tigress and the Dragon Warrior trudged back to the Jade Palace with their clothes dripping muddy water all down the Thousand Steps.

"What a fun day. Right, Tigress?"

"Yes, I suppose the others will be waiting for us. I imagine they will be very surprised when they discover our love for each other."

"You know what I don't get? How exactly could we not have suffocated after kissing for an hour and a half? I mean, I don't ever remember taking a breath!"

"Well, I suppose the power of love can defy any law in existence."

Po lay down gasping at the top of the stairs and grinned at Tigress.

"Haha, yeah, especially Shifu. Can't imagine what he'll say."

Quietly chuckling at what they anticipated would be the elderly red panda's reaction, the masters opened the palace doors to see Shifu and the remaining four sitting at the worn kitchen table conversing quietly amongst themselves. Deciding to bypass their friends for the moment, the lovers retreated to Po's room to do whatever it was that lovers did when they were alone. Meanwhile, Monkey and Crane recounted the skit the troupe had performed, one ridiculing the follies of love and the foolishness of lovers.

"And then...he said to the girl: well, how do I know, I just met you a few minutes ago!"

They all laughed, tears forming in their eyes as they thought of the romantic pitfalls they knew all too well. The corners of Shifu's lips jerked upwards, if only they knew the true purpose behind their day off! For months, it had tormented him to see his prized student and the Dragon Warrior skirting around each other, too afraid to confess what they felt towards one another...whatever that was.

The two lay in bed smiling at nothing in particular, listening to the gregarious laughter emanating from the small kitchen. It had been quite a day, and both intended for the following night to be just as exciting. The problem was, neither knew what to do after they had finished kissing, holding hands, and hugging. Again, the burning question surfaced in their minds.

"Well, Tigress, I realize now that fate has meant for us to come together as one. Please, will you accept this token of my love that I bought because I happened to know this would happen one day?" Po held an iridescent sapphire ring in his paws, grinning expectantly at his wife-to-be.

The tiger felt opaque tears budding in her eyes, they had come so far since confessing their love; she had no idea how they even came to this point. Fortunately, she anticipated the Dragon Warrior's proposal and held out her finger to receive the glittering jewel that was a testament to their undying bond.

Realizing there was no way anything could ever stand in the way of their love, Master Tigress and the Dragon Warrior shared a passionate kiss, unaware of their snickering comrades just outside the bedroom door.

**Thanks for reading! I'm sorry if I unintentionally offended anyone or copied anyone's ideas. If I did, I swear it was purely a coincidence. This story was meant to parody all the overused cliches in PoxTigress stories and the romance genre in general. I personally love this pairing, though I don't think Dreamworks will make it canon (sadly) even if there will be six movies so I decided to put my own spin on it.**

**I know that sucked. Feel free to criticize to your heart's desire. Review please! Good or bad, I don't care! :3**

**P.S. Did anyone notice the misused words throughout the story? They sound like they mean one thing, but they mean something else entirely! SAT words, couldn't resist. :) Prize for anyone who finds them all! **


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